"Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others. Ask for forgiveness from others. Forgiveness can soften the heart, drain the bitterness, and dissolve your guilt."
The above quote is from the movie, "Tuesday's with Morrie". It's a delightful film about a dying man mentoring his young student on the secret to living life... delightful may not have been the best word, but I quite enjoyed it.
This aphorism stuck out above the others and I really wanted to look at it deeper. It makes a lot of sense that forgiveness is good for the very reasons mentioned. It softens the heart, drains bitterness and releases guilt... wait guilt? (I'll tackle that in a bit) In a perfect world everyone would forgive everyone else, but when you hear it in our world it asks the question... we should forgive any injustice?
After years of MADD Campaigns, I find myself jumping straight to the families influenced forever by a drunk driver. Watching actors depict unbelievable sorrow or rage the family must have experienced over such an easily preventable incident. One occasion in particular however I remember was hearing about a drunk driver finding the mother of the victim and apologising. A gutsy move, but what I found even more astounding was the mother actually ended up forgiving the man. He now does talks with students. I cannot even fathom the magnitude of strength it must have taken to do that.
Don't quote me on this, but I remember having a conversation and being absolutely disgusted at a shooting in an Amish Village years ago. Several people died and though the police caught the suspect, the families could not press charges because it was not part of their beliefs... no words. To be forced to forgive despite what happened... just disgusting.
I mean I can completely understand forgiveness being a way of acceptance, but how much is within human capacity? Moreover, if someone forgives every little injustice, what's to stop them from being walked over by others? Lawsuits handed out like candy on Halloween before in the world are suddenly gone. Is there a point where it's better to cut someone out of your life opposed to forgiving them?
I think we should try to find a balance. Life's too short to be angry at everyone who has ever hurt you, but your forgiveness should not be something given out on a whim. Hating someone has a very negative effect on our health and well-being. The "guilt" referred to is likely the bad feeling associated with hating someone in that you want to let go, but feel unable to forgive. Forgetting and forgiving are too different things (hiding from your feelings will only make them resurface again at some point) and forgiveness is only truly effective when it is a conscious personal decision, but it really is the best route to happiness in my eyes. Forgiveness allows one to move on and it's something I do not associate with weakness or being a push-over when implemented properly (standing up for yourself, not pushed aside), but strength.
At times forgiveness may seem greater than human capacity, but are we not striving to be greater than merely human? I like to think so. It is alright to dip into hate and sorrow at times when life seems unfair, but it should never be lingered in. A life consumed with hatred is a huge loss. Morrie himself wished he could have forgiven his father before he had passed on. I have been fortunate enough that forgiveness has been extremely difficult at times, but never out of my capacity. I cannot speak for those who have witnessed unspeakable atrocities, however I hope it may one day be achieved, even if it does take months or even years. No one deserves a life of sorrow, and forgiveness is how we may leave it behind for good.
Never stop questioning.
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